MISSING FOWLS

The priest in a small Irish village had a rooster and ten hens         that he kept in the hen house behind the church.   One Sunday morning, before mass, he went to feed the birds and discovered that the cock  was missing.         He knew about cock fights in the village, so he questioned his parishioners in church.  During mass, he asked the congregation, 'Has anybody got a cock? '                     All the men stood up.            'No, no, ' he said, 'that wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock? '            All the women stood up.         'No, no, ' he said, ' that wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock that doesn't belong to them? '                    Half the women stood up.         'No, no, ' he said, 'that wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen MY cock? '     Sixteen altar boys, two priests and a goat stood up.       The priest fainted.           .

 

 

 

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Laughing Squid - Frequency With Which Various Adjectives Are...

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Surreal Skatepark Light Paintings | Bored Panda

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Never say no to Panda!

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The Harley-Davidson Facts

 

The  Harley-Davidson Facts

The inventor of the Harley-Davidson motorcycle, Arthur Davidson, died and went to heaven.  At the  gates, St. Peter told Arthur. 'Since you've  been such a good man and  your motorcycles have changed the  world, your reward is, you  can hang out with anyone you want  to in heaven.'

 Arthur thought about it for a minute and then said, ' I want to hang out with God.'

St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room, and introduced him to God..

 God recognized Arthur and commented,  'Okay, so you  were the one who invented the  Harley-Davidson motorcycle? ' Arthur said, 'Yeah, that's  me...'

God commented: 'Well, what's the big deal in inventing  something that's pretty unstable, makes noise and  pollution and can't run without a road?'

 Arthur was a bit embarrassed, but finally  spoke,  'Excuse me, but aren't you the inventor of woman?'
 God said, 'Ah, yes.'  
'Well,' said  Arthur, 'professional to  professional, you have some major design  flaws in your  invention! 
 
 1. There's too  much  inconsistency in the front-end suspension  
  
2. It  chatters constantly at high  speeds
 
3. Most rear  ends are too soft and wobble  about too much 

4. The intake is  placed way too close to  the exhaust 
5. The maintenance  costs are  outrageous!!!!


'Hmmmmm, you may have some good  points  there,' replied God, 'hold  on.'

 God went to his Celestial  supercomputer, typed in a  few words and waited for the  results. The computer printed out  a slip of paper and God  read it.

'Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed,'   God said to Arthur, 'but according to these numbers, more men are riding my invention than yours'.

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Slow Dance

Pete         This just has to be worthwhile sending on.

Please read carefully,  and pass it on.....   Slow  Dance  This  is a poem  written by a teenager with cancer. She wants to  see how many  people get her poem.  It is quite the poem  Please pass it   on. This  poem was written by a terminally ill young girl in a  New York  Hospital. It was sent  by a medical doctor -  Make sure to read what is in the closing statement  AFTER THE  POEM. SLOW DANCE Have you ever  watched  kids On a merry-go-round? Or listened to  the  rain Slapping on the ground? Ever followed a  butterfly's erratic flight? Or gazed at the sun into the  fading  night? You better slow down. Don't  dance so  fast. Time is short. The music  won't  last. Do you run through each day On  the  fly? When you ask How are you? Do you hear  the  reply? When the day is done Do you lie  in your  bed With the next hundred chores  Running through  your head? You'd better  slow down Don't dance so  fast. Time is  short. The music won't  last. Ever told your  child,  We'll do it  tomorrow? And in your  haste, Not see  his sorrow? Ever lost  touch, Let a good  friendship die  Cause you  never had time  To call  and say,'Hi' You'd  better slow down. Don't dance  so fast. Time  is short. The music won't  last.. When you run  so fast to get somewhere You  miss half the fun of getting  there. When you worry and hurry  through your  day, It is like an unopened  gift.... Thrown  away. Life is not a  race. Do take it  slower Hear the  music Before the song is  over. ------------  --------  FORWARDED  E-MAILS ARE TRACKED TO OBTAIN THE TOTAL  COUNT. Dear All:  PLEASE pass this mail on to everyone you know -  even to those you don't  know! It is the request of a special girl who will soon  leave this world  due to cancer. This young girl has 6 months left  to live,  and as her dying wish, she wanted to send a letter telling everyone to  live their life to the fullest, since she never will.  She'll  never make it to prom, graduate from high school,  or get married and have a  family of her own. By you sending  this to as many people as  possible, you can give her and her family a  little hope, because with every name  that this is sent to, The American  Cancer Society will donate 3 cents per name  to her treatment and recovery  plan. One guy sent this to 500 people! So I know  that we can at least send  it to 5 or 6. It's not even your money, just  your  time! PLEASE PASS ON AS A LAST REQUEST.  10461 .     Confidentiality - This message and any attachments are confidential and may be subject to legal professional or other privilege. If you are not the intended recipient(s), or if this transmission has been addressed to and/or received by you in error, you must not copy, disclose, distribute or use the contents of this transmission. Delivery of this transmission to any person other than the intended recipient(s) does not waive privilege or confidentiality. If you have received this transmission in error, please notify us by e-mail or telephone +44 (0) 1499 600 223 and delete it. Security - We do not accept responsibility for the accuracy, completeness or delivery of this transmission. Communication by e-mail is not totally secure; please notify the sender immediately if you suspect that it may have been intercepted or amended. No responsibility is accepted for any statements, views or opinions expressed by the sender where this is a non-business e-mail. If we receive a request from you via e-mail we will treat that as authority to reply by e-mail. Viruses - Whilst The Scottish Salmon Company scans all emails and attachments for viruses, it does not guarantee that either are virus-free and we accept no responsibility for any computer virus or damage caused by such a virus which might be transferred by way of this transmission.

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Untitled

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Pete

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14 Incredible Wood Sculptures Randall Rosenthal | OddMods - Furniture Mods, Interior Design, Architecture, and Design Inspiration

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It’s an Arrow! Famous Logos with Hidden Images - DivineCaroline

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Ballon Bass And Box Jam Video

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Awesome!

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The Lightning Seeds - Lucky You

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And this one! Its For RILEY X

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The Lightning Seeds *The Life Of Riley*

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Now I know why I like this !

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Eko - Ecological & economical traffic light concept

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Very Good Idea.

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Pandas

Pete

  

 

Is it any wonder the world has fallen in love with these animals. The captions are very clever.  Mum? Can you come and get me down now?  I'm not coming out. You'll have to come in and get me. Kung Fu Panda...bring it on! On the count of three.... lift!  Does this log make my butt look fat?  Betcha can't see me.....     Oops! Slight miscalculation.  You go. I'll just stay here and rest my head a little bit.  It wasn't me! I didn't steal this bamboo shoot!  It was just sitting here, I swear!     I'll give you 2 seconds to get off me or I'm calling Mom.     Pardon me but do you have a napkin?    Darn paparazzi! Could we have a little privacy please?     Dear Martha Stewart:  I have this brown stain on my nice, white, fluffy butt...  Shhhh! I'm reviewing...  I cannot believe that I'm stuck in this tree again.  What is the matter with me?  I'm sure there's a way out somewhere.  I saw an ant go this way yesterday.   Pandas looking for lost earrings....    Absolutely nothing accomplished.  The perfect day for a panda...  Forgive me Father, for I have sinned...

 

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